The Late bloomer Files

"Falling" by (me) Aleco, Pen on cardboard (2023)      There have been a variety of studies that go into NDE'S. Near-death experiences have been a new obsession for me. I often forgot about these phenomena because I had my religion to fill my needs for something mystical. Now, questioning my faith, I have considered a near-death experience as more than just a spectacle. Usually contemplating death against my will, these experiences often feel real. Now, there are some moments that make me cringe. Like people who claim to channel the spirits of mother nature and such. I have looked at enough documentation on cults and spiritual scams to side eye someone who genuinely believes that they are speaking as a deity. I often believe that some people are gifted with a spiritual gift since their adolescence, while others may have just had an early onset of schizophrenia. However, it is not like the phenomenon can be fully dictated as real or not, simply due to data.   ...

 So, I am 22 right now and I feel lost as hell, I live with my folks and I'm just trying to want to do more in my life. I often sit back working on various projects and essays trying to build my portfolio as a freelance writer. And all while I do that, squeeze in enough time to exercise so I don't feel like I'm going to explode. In my most recent job I am a baker at crumble cookie. I often just pull up at 5:00pm leave at around 10, and do it over again. Now by all means I was never good with money, not at all. So I take full responsibility for my jacked up bank account. However, it took something that happened the December of 2022 that shook up a lot for me financially, but mostly mentally. Now, I have always dealt with anxiety. I remember going to get a check up was the worst of it. I would always go to the doctors office crying scared that I'm going to fucking die. They would always looked shocked at my blood pressure number and tell me that the current path I was goi...